I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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