The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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