Fuck appropriateness.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
