Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
