There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
