I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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