check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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