I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
