I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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