He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
