Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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