I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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