I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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