I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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