I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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