I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
