a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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