So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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