just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
