She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
