please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I just sharted jello shots
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