kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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