Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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