And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
