My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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