Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
