is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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