I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Text me some of your sweat
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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