wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
