If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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