I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Vodka?
Forever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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