the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
A+ Viking dick
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
