he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
