can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
