i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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