I'm really into asian looking animals
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
