sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Shame - the story of my life.
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