dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
