the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
