I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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