just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
