She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
