I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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