If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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