but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
