My nipple is on Facebook.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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