In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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