my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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