My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
