Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
