Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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