Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
